Chapter 136: Hello Chang’an
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Chapter 136: Is it a Secret Worth Hiding?
Can she forgive me?
Chang Suining lowered her gaze at the woman before her, whose eyes were filled with desperate pleading, seeking some form of redemption.
She believed that Yu Xue's remorse at this moment was genuine, filled with guilt, and even somewhat pitiable.
However, she shook her head—
"No."
Her voice was soft, but it caused Yu Xue to instinctively stop her repeated pleading motions, her hand clutching Chang Suining's robe.
"I can die. Everyone has their death, but the world is inherently unfair. The sword must be in my hands; it's not for others to decide how I die."
In the sound of rain, her voice remained calm, without a ripple.
"Anyone who tries to interfere with my life or death, no matter the reason, will find no forgiveness from me."
Yu Xue's expression trembled, and for a moment, her face turned ashen, as if she had just received the calmest but most terrifying judgment of her life.
She didn’t know if it was Chang Suining who had pulled her robe back, or if it was Yu Xue herself, too weak to hold on.
Her hand fell limp by her side.
Chang Suining stepped over the threshold.
She was just an ordinary person who valued her life; if someone tried to kill her and she could forgive them, then she would not deserve to be given the chance to live again.
How her life was used could only be decided by herself.
....
This novel is translated by the Eternal Novel Hits translators. Please read it at https://eternalnovelhits.blogspot.com
....
Even though there were many things in her previous life that she could not help, ultimately, all the choices and decisions were her own. In the end, the one who drew the sword against her was also herself.
To die in that way, she was unwilling, but she had no regrets.
She had repaid the person who gave her life, and also fulfilled the true voice inside her—sacrificing for the land beneath her feet, she had no regrets.
When the empire was at its most unstable, she had endured humiliation and married into the Northern Di to buy time for the Da Sheng Dynasty, creating an opportunity for recovery. Later, the strength to fight was restored, and thus the peace in the Northern border for over ten years. Her one life in exchange for this was worth it.
But if she had truly been poisoned by that cup of tea from Yu Xue, dying in such a cowardly manner, that would truly be a death that would never rest in peace, a vengeful ghost rising from its grave to strike at those responsible.
"How... how dare I ask for your forgiveness, Your Highness?" Yu Xue sat slumped in place, tears streaming down her face, revealing a sorrowful smile. "I should have died to atone for my sins, instead of living until now..."
She truly regretted it.
From the moment she saw the people the prince had arranged to rescue her, she had already regretted everything to the point of despair.
Everyone seeks to live, but it depends on what is exchanged for that life. If the cost of survival is too heavy, then that life becomes meaningless, an inescapable sin.
She had not died because she had lost her sanity.
But now, everything, though temporary, was painfully clear.
She should not have asked the prince whether she could be forgiven. Asking that question itself was another sin.
"I should not have asked for forgiveness, Your Highness... Today, to see you again and to speak of everything... it is already a grace, a release."
"Once I have cleansed myself of this sin, I will serve you..."
She closed her eyes, then crawled up and lunged at the qin table, as if to strike her head against it.
"Bang!"
Chang Suining kicked a wooden stick from a pile next to the door, sending it flying toward Yu Xue. The stick struck the back of her leg.
Yu Xue fell to the ground, her voice stunned. "Why are you still saving me, Your Highness?"
"This matter is not over yet. You might still be of use, so live for now."
With those words, Chang Suining picked up the umbrella beside her, opened it, and stepped into the rain.
Inside the dark cabin, Yu Xue lay on the ground, crying uncontrollably.
As the incense in the corner of the cabin slowly burned out, she gradually lost consciousness, collapsing there.
The incense was a drug that slowly induced unconsciousness, and upon waking, it caused memory loss, leaving only fragmented and unclear recollections. The drug was given to her by Shen Sanmao, who had used it as part of his past scams.
But since the drug was rare and expensive in the Western market, Shen Sanmao only used it for profitable ventures, like entertaining rich clients such as Chang Sui'an.
Chang Suining had taken something earlier to counteract the effects of the drug, and with the veil blocking most of the effect, the slight dizziness faded as she walked out into the rain.
She held the umbrella but did not leave the bamboo forest. Instead, she sat in a pavilion within the forest.
"It was Yu Zeng!"
Yu Xue's reply seemed to still linger in her ears.
Chang Suining held the wet umbrella she had put away.
Seeing Ah Zeng again, she had already become Chang Suining, and Ah Zeng had become the Chief Eunuch of the Imperial Palace, Yu Changshi. Although she was somewhat surprised, she had never felt it was wrong. On the contrary, she was happy for him.
The old friends were safe and shining, and if she were a ghost, she could rest in peace. If she were alive, she would also be pleased.
As for Ah Zeng now serving the emperor, she saw no issue with it. Ah Zeng was a eunuch, and his opportunities were limited. Faced with the new emperor's promotion and trust, he had no room to refuse, nor any reason to.
She was a person who, though occasionally prideful, was not selfish enough to think that her former subordinates should remain stagnant, as though in mourning or burial, decaying and wallowing in sadness, which was unrealistic.
Moreover, Ah Zeng and the others were unaware of the rift between her and the emperor's mother. To them, she had once protected the empress, her mother.
Thus, Ah Zeng serving a new master now was not wrong in any way.
But if, back then, Yu Xue had poisoned her and Ah Zeng had already found a new master, betraying her, that would be unforgivable.
Chang Suining looked at the rain, which was falling like threads outside the pavilion.
Back then, Yu Xue’s actions were motivated by the will to survive, but what was Ah Zeng’s reason?
If he truly did turn to a new master, who was this new master?
Or perhaps, the one he served now was truly the emperor?
And all of this could only be seriously examined if it was indeed him who had committed the betrayal back then.
The letter, it might not be as straightforward as it seemed.
The sender might have tried to manipulate Yu Xue but should have considered the human tendency to make mistakes. Yu Xue wasn’t inherently a traitor. She could have, in a moment of impulse, presented that letter to her instead, revealing the true identity of the sender. Even if that possibility was smaller, would the one who acted truly not think of it?
She was not blindly trusting her old subordinates, but she also could not let herself fall into a fit of anger and lose her reason, thinking only of betrayal.
Currently, the clues were limited. It was only Yu Xue’s word, and if she wanted confirmation, more evidence was needed.
She had already quietly inquired about it. The officials who had accompanied her to the Northern Di in the past, including the eunuch Wu Xi in charge, were all dead.
Yu Xue was the only one left alive.
But right now, she clearly didn’t have the conditions to confront Yu Zeng directly. One wrong move, and she might die for a second time.
For now, she could only proceed cautiously.
To have the power to directly oppose all of this, she was still far from ready.
Chang Suining gripped her umbrella and stood up.
But she would make it happen.
As Cui Jing had said, she could not yet wield the sword to cut the mountain, but she could start with something else.
This process was the necessary path to accumulating strength. This time, she would remind herself to move more steadily.
The girl lifted her hand and removed the veil. Dressed in white, with the mist of rain clinging to her clothes, she held the umbrella and left the bamboo forest alone.
---
The next day, Chang Suining instructed Chang Ren to send someone to the estate, officially to oversee the farm matters, but secretly to keep an eye on Yu Xue.
Chang Ren agreed.
---
In the afternoon, Chang Suining returned to Xingning Fang.
The next day, the weather cleared, and she went to the Imperial Academy.
This time was different from her previous visits. With the recent news about Dengtai Tower, almost everyone at the academy knew about Chang Suining.
However, since Chang Suining usually only read or fished at Head Master Qiao’s residence, most of the students had no opportunity to see the rumored Miss Chang.
Recently, Qiao Yubai noticed that more and more of his classmates came to visit him, many of whom had visited the previous day and came again the next day, claiming to be visiting him but starting the conversation with inquiries about his injuries, followed by endless questions about Ning Ning.
Some of the bolder ones even came for ten consecutive days, sitting with him for long periods, nearly engraving the words "waiting to meet Miss Chang" on their faces.
On the eleventh day, Qiao Yubai returned to the academy to resume his studies.
Many of his classmates gathered around him.
"Hey, Yubai, why are you back so soon? Don’t you need more time to recover?"
"..." Qiao Yubai felt that the "hey" sounded more like a "sigh" instead.
After returning to the academy, the number of people surrounding him only increased.
As for this, Qiao Yubai didn’t mind. In fact, he was pleased.
After all, that was his sister—such blessings were beyond the reach of others.
Who would complain about having a sister who was too outstanding?
Recently, Cui Lang had also been inquiring about Chang Suining. His focus was on her preferences. Though he already had an answer in mind, he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with the fact that Miss Chang liked to hit people.
After asking Qiao Yubai for some less useful information, one day, during a break, he learned that his elder brother was visiting their grandfather. Cui Lang, feeling a bit mischievous, grabbed a dog’s head that was passing by, muttered something like "I need courage" in a mysterious incantation, and hurried to find his elder brother.
The confused big yellow dog stared after the fast-moving figure of the boy in pink, still unsure of what had just happened.
When Cui Lang arrived at his grandfather’s study, he found his elder brother was speaking to his sister Cui Tang in the corridor.
Cui Lang froze for a moment but then relaxed slightly. He stepped forward, formally greeted his elder brother, and to break the awkwardness, asked, "why are you here?"
"Mother went to the temple yesterday to ask for a safety talisman, so I brought it to you."
"??" Cui Lang felt a sense of injustice rising but held his tongue.
Usually, he took the risks, so why was it that when it came to gifts, his sister was the one to deliver them!
It seemed like his elder brother was keeping all the good stuff for himself!
Even if it included him as well!
Thinking back to the days when he had worked like a mule to serve his mother, Cui Lang felt aggrieved. Did Mother know that his life was also valuable?
"Brother, please accept it..." Cui Tang handed over the peace talisman, her voice carrying a rare trace of nervousness.
Since they could remember, Cui Lang and Cui Tang had rarely seen their eldest brother. After he joined the military, it became even harder to meet him. The idea of a close relationship was out of the question.
Their eldest brother had a cold personality, and there was a considerable rift between him and their father. According to their mother, their father’s actions had caused trouble for the whole family, leaving them to suffer as well—it was truly a misfortune.
Then, the second brother drunkenly clung to the eldest brother's leg at Dengtai Tower, and it was said that the eldest brother hadn’t pushed him away, which led their mother to gain some courage. Thus, she decided to take this bold step of giving the peace talisman today.
But whether the eldest brother would accept it was uncertain.
Knowing the courage behind their mother’s decision to give the talisman, Cui Lang grew even more frustrated. After all, it was him who had worked so hard to secure half of their family's fortune, but now Mother was crossing the river and tearing down the bridge.
But… would the eldest brother accept it?
Cui Lang quietly watched his eldest brother's hand by his side.
His eldest brother’s hand was large and beautiful, unlike the pale, delicate hands of many of the Cui family’s sons. It made him seem more reliable.
After a moment, that large hand extended, and in the dappled sunlight of the afternoon, he accepted the peace talisman.
"Thank you," Cui Jing said.
Both Cui Tang and Cui Lang were overjoyed, struggling to suppress their excitement, but their happiness still shone in their eyes and on their faces.
Cui Lang silently shed a tear of relief in his heart. The half of the family’s fortune he had fought for with his life was indeed secure!
Because Cui Jing had accepted the peace talisman, the atmosphere around them relaxed significantly.
Cui Lang now felt brave enough to ask, "…Brother, you are more familiar with Miss Chang. Do you know what she likes?"
Cui Jing looked at him, but instead of answering, he asked, "Why are you inquiring about the preferences of a young lady?"
Cui Lang felt uneasy and lowered his voice, "Brother, I want to ask Miss Chang to be my teacher and learn polo from her."
After speaking, he quickly glanced at his brother, wondering if this idea would be deemed unacceptable.
Cui Jing responded with an "Oh."
Cui Lang cautiously asked, "Do you think it’s not appropriate?"
Cui Jing replied, "It’s fine."
Cui Lang smiled. "Then…"
Cui Jing turned his gaze back to him. "Are you asking about her preferences so you can prepare for a teacher’s gift?"
Cui Lang nodded vigorously.
Cui Jing thought for a moment. He had originally wanted to say "She likes chestnuts," but for some reason, the words didn’t leave his mouth. It felt somewhat like not wanting to share a secret, but… liking chestnuts didn’t seem like a secret worth keeping.
He soon concluded that it wasn’t appropriate to discuss a woman’s private likes and dislikes with his younger brother, so he replied seriously, "If you want to learn from the Chang family, it’s better to follow the proper customs."
"Proper customs?" Cui Lang asked, puzzled, on the way home.
As for why he didn’t directly ask his brother earlier—well, his brother had already given him the answer. If he didn’t understand it, wouldn’t that make him seem a little slow-witted?
"It’s probably the same custom your eldest brother followed when he wanted to study under General Chang," Cui Tang said.
Cui Lang shivered at the thought.
The way his brother had learned from General Chang was to offer himself up to be beaten!
He didn’t have the courage to make such a teacher’s gift with half his life at stake!
Cui Lang shook his head vigorously, laughing awkwardly, "Come to think of it, I’m not really that interested in polo…"
"No, you want to learn it," Cui Tang said with a slight smile, looking at her younger brother. "I believe Mother will approve of you learning."
Their mother, wishing to join their eldest brother’s cause, had a plan to use shortcuts to get closer to Miss Chang and form a good relationship.
Sure enough, when Lu Shi found out, she strongly encouraged her son to pursue it.
The next day, before heading out, Cui Lang borrowed some courage from his dog, and once he returned to the Imperial Academy, he went to find Chang Suining and bravely explained his desire to be her pupil.
However, Chang Suining's reaction was completely unexpected.
Cui Lang thought to himself, *A son’s life is also a life.* (This line was inspired by a comment from a lovely reader earlier. Haha!)
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