Chapter 80: Don’t Let Her Get Away
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Chapter 80: Don’t Let Her Get Away
At that time, her father, the emperor, was in his prime, firmly holding power—not the inexperienced new ruler he’d been when he first ascended the throne. Old age and weakness were far in the distance.
The emperor was at the perfect age for a ruler, and aside from the eldest prince, who died young, he had five other sons.
The crown prince, born of the empress, died young. Among the remaining five princes, the second prince’s mother was the revered Noble Consort, whose father held the high office of Chancellor of the Secretariat and was the highly respected Right Minister.
The third prince, whom she’d hit, couldn’t match the second prince’s status, yet, from the age of two, the empress had chosen him to be raised by her side and treated him like her own.
Her own younger brother, the fourth prince, Li Xiao, was born to a low-ranking concubine, who only gained the title of Consort after giving birth to them.
Below her brother were two younger princes, one of whom would later be deposed from the throne.
Not long after their mother was promoted, a severe drought struck Shu. Rumors connected the drought to her mother, Consort Hui, claiming that when she’d given birth to twins, the skies had darkened, thunder roared, and this was surely an ill omen.
Though her father dismissed these as baseless rumors, the gossip persisted in the palace, and for years, he no longer summoned her mother.
Her mother stayed with her and her brother in a remote corner of the palace, close to Xiang Garden, where the oppressive summer heat brought clouds of mosquitoes that incense could not dispel.
Her frail brother was constantly sickly, a cause of great worry. During those days, her mother rarely cried but never smiled.
Such were their days until she turned eight.
The year she pretended to be her brother and hit the third prince.
When the third prince complained, her father had no particular expression and merely said to the third prince, “Li Yi, you should remember that if you use your strength to bully others, today’s outcome is what you deserve.”
The third prince’s lips quivered, and he dared not say more.
Then her father turned to her—
He said nothing about her “fighting” and instead looked pleased. “It seems Xiao’s health has improved; he looks full of life. Very good; a prince of mine should be this way.”
A prince of mine should be this way.
She didn’t realize how those words would shape her life; she only knew to keep her secret, suppressing her voice to mimic her brother’s slightly anxious tone. “Thank you, Father.”
That night, her father visited her mother’s residence for the first time.
After he left, her mother called her over.
Knowing she’d pretended to be her brother to hit someone, her mother had a palace maid watch her, but now she was finally allowed to see her.
She still wore her brother’s clothes as she stood before her mother, expecting punishment.
But her mother only looked at her, whispering, “A Shang, these clothes suit you.”
In her mother’s usually bleak eyes, there was a glimmer of hope and maybe a hint of sadness. “You’ve always liked fighting. You’ve said you want to protect Xiao, but strength alone isn’t enough… Now you have the chance. You could become Xiao to protect him. Would you?”
Confused, she asked, “Why do I need to become Xiao?”
“Because Xiao is a prince.” Her mother crouched down and placed her hands on her small shoulders, carefully explaining, “Though one woman has ruled before, that was because there was no prince, and everything aligned in her favor. But now your father has five sons; he would never notice a princess. Despite all your talents, has he ever even looked at you?”
She froze.
Yes.
Today, her father had spoken to her only because “she was Li Xiao.”
“But Mother, that’s not fair.”
“Fair…” Her mother’s rare smile held a touch of irony. “Life divides us by birth; where is the fairness in that?”
She felt her mother’s cool fingers touch her cheek and heard the somber tone, “You and Xiao are twins, but you are healthy while he is so weak… Where is the fairness in that?”
Her mother’s words filled her with guilt—like the time she’d overheard her mother tell her nursemaid, “If only their health could be exchanged… things wouldn’t be so hard.”
Every time Li Xiao fell ill, her mother’s gaze held something she couldn’t comprehend.
To have a healthy body seemed to be a mistake, as if she had taken it from Li Xiao.
Still too young to understand herself fully, she filled with guilt.
So when her mother spoke of “opportunity,” she willingly accepted.
She wanted to “make up” for her “mistake,” to see her mother happy and to gain the skill her mother had said was stronger than mere physical strength to protect her brother.
So she obediently wore the clothes.
Then, as she grew older, the clothes turned into armor—as her empire grew turbulent with war, a war that couldn’t be avoided, a real war. None of the other princes dared to volunteer for the “experience,” and this became her best option.
Year after year.
She won many battles, accumulating enough merit that when her father finally named “Li Xiao” as crown prince, there was little opposition in court.
In time, she traded her armor for a wedding robe.
Her wedding robe was delivered by her mother, now the Empress Dowager.
“A Shang… just three years. At most, in three years, I’ll bring you back to Da Sheng, and everything will be better then.”
“Mother.”
Her mother had called herself “Mother.”
Such a warm, intimate word, so tender in her mind, gave her a sense of safety, like finding a refuge in a storm, where fear and sorrow could no longer reach her.
But to her, it was also a blade.
One that felt different from the open weapons of battlefields.
And she did not dodge.
But the pain was too much; she no longer wanted “Mother.”
This would be the last time she repaid everything in full.
In death, even her breathing felt easy.
She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.
Chang Suining sat up to find her room brightly lit, tapping her head to ease the lingering pain.
“Miss, you’re finally awake!” Xi'er brought warm water with a sigh of relief. “You’ve slept for an entire day and night… no more wine from now on.”
Suining drank the water before asking, “Who pulled me out after I fell into the water?”
Her hazy memory recalled only the moment she’d fallen in.
“You swam ashore yourself…”
“Oh.” She nodded in satisfaction.
A bit embarrassing to have fallen in while drunk, but managing to get out herself saved some face.
“But as you fell, General Ah Dian and General Cui Jing were nearby, and the General jumped in to rescue you…” Xi'er paused, looking uneasy, “Then, you… hit him in the water.”
Suining: “?”
Cui Jing jumped in to rescue her, and she… hit him?
“That sounds… off. Why did I hit him?”
“I don’t know…” Xi'er gave her a look, “You don’t remember at all?”
She stared at her “criminal” hands and her drunkenly useless body. This borrowed body was indeed hard to tame.
“But Miss, when did you learn to swim?” Xi'er asked, curious.
Suining decided to wing it, “No idea.”
Doesn’t matter; people with damaged minds are like that.
Xi'er suddenly lit up, “I know why!”
Chang Suining: "?"
She figured it out too?
"Just like when you learned to ride and shoot—once you tried it, you mastered it right away!" Xi'er beamed with pride. "Ever since your head injury, it’s like you’re a genius at everything!"
Watching the little maid explaining everything so proudly, Chang Suining could only feel pleased.
Excellent.
This is the advantage of being a prodigy.
And being a prodigy with a damaged mind? That just made everything invincible—as long as that was the case, even the most outlandish things would seem reasonable.
"And honestly, it’s my fault; I didn’t stop you from drinking..." Xi'er said apologetically. "You never drank before, so I didn’t know your tolerance. Yesterday, seeing you drink fruit wine like it was nothing, I mistakenly thought you had a talent for drinking too..."
Chang Suining suddenly gagged.
Xi'er quickly patted her back, “Miss, what’s wrong?”
Chang Suining suppressed the queasy feeling, “Maybe it’s because you kept saying ‘wine’ so often; it made my head spin…”
Saying that, she felt like retching again.
Xi'er quickly promised, “Then I won’t say it anymore, not a word!”
Was the young miss so put off by this drunken episode that she wouldn’t be able to stand even the smell of wine from now on?
“…Did I hurt General Cui at all?” Chang Suining asked, thinking of Cui Jing.
“There was a mark… here,” Xi'er pointed to her own mouth, “but luckily, it was only a surface wound.”
Chang Suining sighed, “That’s still quite unjust.”
As her memory gradually returned, she recalled a few fragmented images, including her motives at the time—she had mistaken Cui Jing for an enemy soldier in her drunken stupor.
While talking, Chang Suining’s hand brushed against something beside her pillow. She picked it up and saw that it was a white jade hairpin carved with cloud patterns—
Puzzled, she asked, "Where did this come from?"
"This is something you pulled from General Cui’s hair…” Xi'er said awkwardly. “You grabbed it to use against him like a dagger, and even after coming ashore, you wouldn’t let go of it.”
Chang Suining gazed up at the canopy of her bed in distress.
A moment later, as if swearing an oath, she said, “I’ll never touch alcohol again.”
She didn’t like this feeling of losing control over herself; it made her uneasy—this time was just embarrassing, but next time she might lose her life.
“What time is it now?” Chang Suining suddenly thought of something and asked Xi'er urgently.
“It’s almost noon, my lady.”
Chang Suining felt a pang of regret, “I agreed with my brother last night to go out of the city for a memorial offering this morning—”
But now wouldn’t she be breaking her word?
“But young master still hasn’t sobered up,” Xi'er replied. “He woke up early, had some breakfast, then fell right back to sleep.”
Chang Suining: “…Good, then.”
Between her brother being unable to sober up and her breaking her word, she’d choose the former.
“Is Suining awake?” came Chang Kuo’s voice from outside the room.
Chang Suining quickly put on her clothes and got out of bed.
Chang Kuo entered, still in his official robes, having come straight from the morning court session to see his daughter. “Good… you’re awake. You scared your father half to death yesterday!”
“Does your head hurt?”
“As for General Cui, don’t worry. It wasn’t intentional on your part, and he’s not a narrow-minded person. When there’s a chance, I’ll invite him for a meal and offer our apologies. Then we’ll put this matter behind us.”
“But really, you should avoid drinking too much from now on—whether for your own safety or others’.”
Hearing him talk, Chang Suining nodded at every word.
“Oh, there’s something else…” Chang Kuo gave her a curious look. “When you swam out of the pond yesterday, you told me something about ‘treachery’… something about leaving it to your father. What did you mean?”
Chang Suining: "…"
Great, he hadn’t caught the most important words.
Chang Kuo looked at her intently, scratching his head.
It was a feeling he couldn’t shake, as if he’d miss something crucial if he didn’t remember. He’d been mulling it over all morning, not even paying attention to the heated debate over the new Minister of Rites.
Feigning deep thought, Chang Suining shook her head. “I don’t remember… probably just drunken nonsense, Father. Please don’t mind it.”
Chang Kuo could only nod, though he still felt something vital was missing.
While he strained to remember, Chang Suining quickly changed the subject, fearing he might recall. “Father, was General Cui truly not upset?”
“Don’t worry about him. He may seem hard to get along with, but he’s actually quite reasonable.” Chang Kuo said, though he frowned. “But… those moves you used yesterday were rather fierce. How did Old Chu come up with teaching you those?”
Chang Suining blinked: “Uh…”
“Good!” Chang Kuo laughed heartily. “If you’re learning martial arts, you should learn those! Fancy moves look good but are useless; you should learn lethal techniques for self-defense!”
Chang Suining simply smiled without replying.
…
The following morning, the Chang siblings went out of the city to pay their respects at their mother’s grave.
As they burned paper offerings, Chang Sui'an couldn’t hold back a few tears.
In the dense spring foliage not far away, a figure peeked through a gap in the trees, watching the scene. Seeing the boy wiping his tears, the observer sighed softly.
Unexpectedly, this sigh gave her away.
In the next moment, she saw the girl by the grave turn around, and before she could react, the wine jug in the girl’s hand flew straight at her!
The person hidden in the bushes shrank their pupils, dodging just in time.
But in that dodge, her cover was blown.
“Quick, don’t let her get away!”
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